Another year in the books...


I have sat here and stared at my computer on and off for a week. How can I describe this past year? I mean, so much has happened- good and bad. But to summarize how I've 'done' this past year, has been impossible for me for some reason.


Yesterday at Sunday School, we listened to "Mirror" by LO Worship that featured Sadie Robertson. We had an amazing discussion about why it's so hard to look in the mirror.


Why is it so hard to describe how I've changed this past year?


I had already asked a few people close to me that had a front seat to the roller coaster year 30 was, and then we have this message the next day. I am sitting there in the pew thinking, "WHY?! Presley, you know how this year went, how you have changed, grown. WHY can't you describe it? Do you not want to feel 'full' of yourself? Do you not want to offend people? Why?"


And that is just it... I am a selfless person that will not boast or praise myself. I get awkward when people say good things about me. A lot of the times, I don't share the reality of what is going on in my life in order to not "hurt" those who "hurt" me. I tend to just talk about it to a few close friends and move on with my life. 


This is a few pieces of what my friends had to say about my year that led me to finally put thoughts into words...


"You have grown first and most importantly as a disciple of our God."

"Courage, I believe that comes from your faith, it's a deep inside courage. I see it in your eyes."

"You have become someone who knows what they need and deserve, not what you want."

"How real, open you are. Whatever it is, we know we can count on you to be open about it."

"You see through toxic relationships and do what is right for you and your boys."


There are lyrics in that song that say, "Careless words left me broken and I started to really think my worth was nothing more than all these lies." That is exactly how I would describe year 28 and 29. People do not realize how their words affect a person. It can destroy a person mentally, emotionally, and even physically. I was in the process of healing, recovering from a lot more than anyone ever knew. So many internal struggles and demons that I hid.


I was believing their careless words. They had fooled me into thinking I was the problem. But when you wake up daily and have messages upon messages telling you how shitty of a person you are... Kind of hard to not let those careless words take over your mind. I had spent so much time trying to change people's perception of me. I tried accommodating to everyone else's needs, no matter how much it exhausted or hurt me. I was begging for someone to stay in my life over and over. Accepting false promises and weak apologies because I wanted someone. And yes on the outside, I've always looked like this boss of a woman, and I truly am. But those few individuals- they knew where my cracks WERE and they had been using them to their advantage far too long.


Until YEAR 30...

I walked away from friendships, careers, enabling situations, and what I thought was my future.

I BOLDLY said, "I CHOOSE ME."


How did I do this FINALLY?


  1. I leaned on my faith more than ever. My friends are right. I've grown as a disciple of God. I live loudly in my faith. And as a single woman in her 30's, that is rare. Everybody makes bad decisions at one point in their life. And that does not define you. GOD defines me. And God, well he forgives us for our sins. It doesn't make them right. But there is this term repentance that I've studied. It's not just saying, "Opps God, I messed up. Sorry." and then continue down that same path. When you repent, you turn from your behavior into a new direction. I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be perfect, but I will tell you that I am a beautiful child of a very forgiving man. And He has directed me down an entirely different path, the one I was meant to be on. And the beauty of him, is no matter if I swerve a little bit off the path, he welcomes me back with open arms every time.
  2. I finally was just tired of it. There is only so much a person can handle, and I finally got pushed over the ledge. You see, I accommodated because I was hearing over and over again that "I made this situation, you are the shitty person." But that isn't that truth, and that was just more of those careless words. My accommodation was in reality a form of continued control and being walked all over. When you purposely are not going to help yourself, continue down a destructive path- I promise you, you won't find me down it. I would prefer not to have a ticket to your shit show. I put my foot down this year and set my boundaries, and you don't get to cross them anymore. 
  3. I stopped reacting. You know, a lot of things in life are made out to be worse or more dramatic for one reason- how you perceive the situation. If you initially react before evaluating the entirety of the situation, you are more than likely making it worse that what it actually is. And that reaction is actually affecting your mental and emotional health more than the situation truly is. I think through things a lot more now before I respond, or IF I RESPOND. Your mind is an amazing world. When I became able to stop, think about what was said, what was going on, evaluate... I was then able to better respond or decide that it wasn't worth my time or energy. This provided a lot more peace.
  4. I became aware. Not only in myself but everyone else around me. I've became so comfortable in my head that I am able to call myself out on my BS. When you gain this level of self-awareness, you are able to understand your emotions, why you are having them, why you do the things you do, and then correct them. I am able to evaluate what is going on in a friendship/relationship/environment and tell if it is me being the problem or not. And if it is, I can say that "You are acting this way because of..." My awareness pulled me out of places I knew I shouldn't have been. It allowed me to say, "I do not deserve this treatment. I am not your punching bag anymore. I am not the problem." My self-awareness allowed me to open my eyes to how people were treating me, why, and that sometimes it actually wasn't me, it was their own internal struggles. 


Living BOLD was how I would describe this past year. I loved, I lost, I grew, I accomplished, I cried, I laughed, then I cried some more, I traveled, I experienced, I lived.


I'm welcoming in year 31 with two wildly happy boys, two growing businesses, a faith like no other, mental clarity and a thankful heart. All I want this year is to continue to grow this life we are building, cross more finish lines, see more of the world and keep living BOLDY.


Aging like fine wine if I do say so myself... ;)


-Presley Kay